On any given day in Ireland, approximately 60,000 children do not show up for school.
Many of these absences are due to illness or other legitimate reasons – but thousands of children simply refuse to attend, despite their parents’ best efforts.
If your child is suffering from back-to-school anxiety, you’re not alone. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (2022), anxiety disorders are among the most common mental health issues in adolescents, and 32% of teens describe school transitions as a major trigger.
In Northern Ireland, the Department of Education confirmed that 85,000 children had missed more than a tenth of school days this academic year, for a variety of reasons.
School Refusal: More Than Skipping Class
School refusal isn’t just about avoiding homework or skipping lessons – it can often be linked to anxiety, learning difficulties, or other challenges.
Common signs include:
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Frequent complaints of headaches or stomach aches, especially on school days
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Sudden changes in mood or behaviour
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Avoiding school-related conversations
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Increased anxiety or distress when discussing school
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Declining school performance
When Your Child Is Anxious About School
When a child is struggling with back-to-school anxiety, it’s not always obvious how to respond in a way that truly helps.
You might feel the urge to jump in and “fix” things immediately, or you may be unsure what to say at all. The good news? You don’t have to do it perfectly. Being present, listening with empathy, and showing up consistently can make a huge difference.
Why Back-to-School Can Be Tough
At the start of each school year or term, our Psychology Team hears from many parents struggling to help their children adjust to being back in the classroom.
Here are some strategies we recommend:
Tips to Ease Your Child’s Back-to-School Anxiety
1. Validate Their Feelings
Let your child know it’s okay to feel anxious. Phrases like “I can see this feels really hard right now” help them feel understood. Acknowledge that transitions are complex, but common.
Avoid dismissive phrases like “You’ll be fine” or “Everyone has to go back.”
2. Reintroduce Routines Early
A week before school starts:
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Adjust bedtimes and wake-up times
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Return to regular mealtimes
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Reduce screen time
Anxiety thrives on uncertainty – predictable routines help create a sense of safety. Ask your child what would make going back easier.
3. Keep Them Connected
Encourage staying in touch with friends and family, either online or in person. Physical activity – like walking or sports – can also help distract from worries.
4. Teach Calming Techniques
Practice anxiety-reducing skills before school starts so they’re ready when needed:
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Deep breathing
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Progressive muscle relaxation
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Mindfulness exercises
5. Avoid Reinforcing School Refusal
As a parent, it can be immensely distressing to see your child struggling with school-related anxiety. It’s tempting to let them stay home to “take the pressure off” – but this can make it harder for them to return later. While every child is different, the longer an anxious child is absent, the harder it becomes to get them back into school.
When to Seek Professional Help
If your teen’s anxiety feels overwhelming or leads to ongoing school avoidance, professional support can help. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is one of the most effective treatments for adolescent anxiety.
Not sure whether your child needs professional help? Call us on 01 556 3335 or book a free 15-minute consultation with one of our team.
