How to start a conversation with someone about their mental health

Globally, 1 in 4 people will experience challenges with their mental health at some point. Chances are good that number includes you or someone you know.

So, what should you do if someone close to you is struggling with mental illness? How do you approach talking about mental health and what do you say? Maybe more importantly, what should you not say?

Ways to start talking about mental health

The hardest part of talking about mental health can be knowing where (or how) to begin. You don’t want to make the other person uncomfortable or pressure them to have a conversation they’re not ready to have yet.

Some conversation starters could be:

“I’ve noticed you’ve been sad/angry/not yourself lately, do you want to tell me about it?”

“How have you been going?”

“I heard/saw you say/do something that made me worried about you, can we talk about it?”

“I’ve been feeling concerned about you.”

“I know that this is what I do when I’m feeling down, and I’ve seen you doing it too. Is there something wrong?”

“Are you okay?”

Dos and don’ts of having a supportive conversation

Here are some useful tips on how to be the friend who listens. Talking about mental health can be difficult or feel overwhelming, but reaching out when someone is struggling can make a real difference. It shows them they’re not alone and someone cares about them.

✔️ Find the right time and space

Before having your conversation, check that it is the right time and space for them. Ensure

you can give the time and attention needed.

Find a quiet place with an informal atmosphere, such as a café. Talking about mental health shouldn’t feel like a formal interview.

✔️ Ask open questions

Asking open types of questions encourages people to explore their thoughts and feelings. “I’ve

noticed you haven’t seemed yourself lately. What has been on your mind?” Try not to ask too many

questions and give them time to respond.

✔️Actively listen without judgment

Ensure they feel able to share as much or as little as they are comfortable to — without being judged.

✔️Have patience

The person sharing should not feel rushed. If they do, they will not feel it’s a safe environment. It may take them some time to think about what they are saying. They may find it difficult to describe how they are feeling.

✔️Talk about self-care

Discuss ways of de-stressing or practising self-care and ask if they find anything helpful. Exercising, having a healthy diet and getting a good night’s sleep can help protect mental health and sustain wellbeing.

✔️Acknowledge and validate

It might be tempting to sugarcoat situations to make someone feel better, but it’s important to

acknowledge what they are saying. Saying “don’t be silly, you’re okay” could make them withdraw,

become frustrated and angry. Instead, say, “I can see this has really upset you,” etc.

✔️Reflect back and clarify

By seeking clarity, you are showing them you are listening and want to know more. Repeating something back to somebody is a good way to make someone know you are paying attention.

Avoid making assumptions and putting words into their mouth. Consider saying: “When you say…, do you mean…?” or “Could you tell me more about…?”

✔️Show empathy rather than sympathy

Empathic responses show that you understand where the person is coming from, whereas

sympathy often expresses pity. Rather than saying, “I’m sorry for you”, say, “That must be really

difficult. I’m sorry you are going through this.”

❌ Don’t make assumptions

You’re not expected to be an expert. If you don’t know what to say, remember that you don’t need to

find an answer or even understand their feelings. Listening will let them know you care.

❌ Don’t make comparisons

Sometimes we can be tempted to draw a comparison to our own story, to show empathy. However, it could also discourage the other person from opening up. It’s important that the conversation is

about them — so share sparingly.

❌ Don’t offer advice and an “easy” solution

What you think might help someone may not be right for them. Suggesting easy solutions

might invalidate their feelings. Try to avoid going into ‘fix’ mode.

❌ Don’t diagnose

Regardless of your observations and experiences, you are not there to diagnose a mental illness.

If you are concerned about them, encourage them to seek support from their GP.

✔️Be brave

Do not be put off by a negative response. Do not feel you have to fill a silence.

It can feel intrusive to ask someone how they feel. You’ll soon see if someone is uncomfortable and does not want to engage with you at that level. Sometimes it is exactly what somebody needs – to be able to share what is going on in their mind.

For many people, just asking and listening will help. It can be a huge relief for the other person to know you are there.

If your friend just isn’t ready to talk…

Don’t force it. Remind them that you’re here for them, no matter what, always ready with a listening ear. You can also encourage them to get professional help, but be sure to do so without badgering them.

If they are reluctant to talk to you, offer to help them find a professional therapist or counsellor who might be a good fit for them.

BetterCare offers a range of services, including online assessments, therapy, and counselling. Whether you’re looking for a psychiatrist or psychologist or just seeking advice, we can help.

For more information on our mental health services or to schedule an appointment, give us a call at 01-5563335, WhatsApp at 089-2300366, or book through one of the links below.