What to Talk About in Therapy
While everyone’s experience of therapy is a bit different, one moment is practically universal: racking your brain for something to talk about.
So how do you figure out what to focus on and talk about to make the most of your therapy session?
What should I talk about in therapy?
What you might cover in your therapy sessions varies. For example, your therapist may go through specific exercises with you.
Or you might have a more general discussion about how you’re feeling. They may ask you questions about:
- Your current and past relationships
- Your childhood and past experiences
- Situations or events you find difficult
- How you feel
- How you behave
- What you think about things
- Issues that have come up in previous sessions
But it’s important to remember that you don’t have to talk about anything you’re not ready to talk about or do anything you don’t want to do.
Even if you don’t have any “problems” or things to talk about in session, your therapist won’t judge you for it. They always have questions they can ask you to help start a conversation.
At the beginning of therapy, it’s typically hard to be vulnerable and talk about potentially awkward, uncomfortable, or painful things.
You might need some time to get to know your therapist better, and that can take several sessions of talking about seemingly small topics before moving on to more serious ones.
How do I set goals for myself for therapy?
Decide what you want out of therapy. Do you have a goal of overcoming a feat? Do you need to build skills to better handle anxiety? Do you just need someone to listen to you talk about life? These are all things therapists can do.
Generally, after you and your therapist identify your diagnosis, you work together to come up with goals related to your symptoms. That might mean anything from decreasing anxiety, or making friends, or using certain techniques for certain types of trauma. That treatment plan builds out a guide for how to run future sessions.
However, if you want to be self-directed, and are looking for topics, here is a list of things you could consider:
– checking in on the health of your friendships, family relationships, or romantic relationships
– exploring your values/goals
– discussing your interests
– support with identifying your strengths and how you can build upon them
– reviewing your coping skills/ progress with using coping skills
– a chance for you to give feedback to the therapist about your therapeutic experience
How to stimulate conversation in therapy?
Throughout the week, keep track of things that happen so you don’t forget, and then bring that list to therapy. You could write down or voice-note any thoughts and experiences that impact your emotional life. Journaling by itself already has many benefits for your mental health.
Then, talk about situations that cause unpleasant feelings, such as fear, anxiety, anger, frustration, etc. Do remember to celebrate progress (situations you handled better than you have in the past). It might be useful to ask your therapist about what patterns they have noticed.
Bringing in props, such as family photos, a poem you wrote, or a song that resonates with you can help get things going too.
What if I have nothing big to discuss in a session?
Sometimes, people might think their problems aren’t big enough for therapy. They may feel uncomfortable like they’re failing, if they can’t present something.
But don’t overlook the seemingly mundane aspects of your everyday life. Daily experiences and routines can help your therapist understand more about you and your circumstances.
So, if you’re holding back because you worry that your therapist will judge your problems as unimportant, remember that their job is to help you process whatever you want to talk about.
What, if anything, should I avoid discussing?
It’s normal to wonder if you should withhold certain things either because you’re worried that the therapist will tell someone else or because you fear being judged.
Therapists are ethically and legally bound to protect your confidentiality, except in very rare cases of the client posing a danger to themselves or others or when they are legally forced to by court order.
The fear that the therapist will judge you if you share something sensitive is common and completely normal.
In fact, the best way for your therapist to get to know the real you (and to help you!) is for you to be completely honest about what you’re thinking.
If you’re worried about feeling judged, remember that a good therapist isn’t there to make judgments. And, as part of their training, most therapists have been in therapy themselves.
Is it OK to be silent in therapy?
Sometimes, the chaos or acuity that brought clients in dies down and when there’s no “crisis of the week” it feels like there’s not much to say. This may be an opportunity to reduce the frequency of therapy or explore something you haven’t had a chance to explore.
When you’re not sure what direction to go in, the best thing to do is go back to the goals you set at the beginning. You can review any progress you’ve made so far, and decide if you want to keep or change your existing goals.
As long as your goals are clear there should always be something to talk about. If you find you’ve met your goals (or if they’re no longer relevant) and don’t have any more to work towards then that could be a sign that you don’t need to continue therapy.
How to get more out of therapy or counselling?
The therapeutic relationship is meant to be collaborative, so if you have no idea where to start, let them know. You can work together to discuss your treatment plan and goals and even create a list of topics you’d like to go over if you’d like.
You can talk about your day, you can talk about traumas from your past… but you can always tell them “Hey, I’m new to this, how do I start?” Remember, therapists work for you, and they want to make sure you’re getting what you need from the sessions.
The main thing is not to feel ashamed or embarrassed about seeking help. Some people find it hard to admit they need support from a therapist/ counsellor, so be proud that you’re taking this brave step towards managing your mental wellbeing. Whether you’ve chosen traditional or online therapy, You’re doing great!
At BetterCare, we offer professional affordable counselling and psychotherapy online anywhere in Ireland and face-to-face in a growing number of locations.
